Oh, it’s that time of year again where you blow your savings on crap you don’t actually need, but hey, it was discounted, right? With every retailer on the planet, regardless of how much or how little of a connection they have with the USA, jumping on the Black Friday bandwagon in order to prey on the poor judgement of the average joe, how could Rockstar possibly miss out?
While distributors both digital and retail are handling the sales of the games themselves – more on that soon – Rockstar is slicing the prices on the various pieces of merchandise available for purchase via their web store dubbed the “Warehouse”.
To make things simple, every item in the Rockstar Warehouse sans the Red Dead Redemption 2 Pre-Order options are a uniform 30% off through the 28th of November, meaning Monday. Since many of the items present in the Warehouse are various bits of clothing with branding on them – because why should Rockstar pay for marketing when fans are willing to pay them to market their stuff – we’ve collected a few of the best and most practical deals in the store.
Sprunk Water Bottle (€9.80) – If you traipse around with this vessel holding your beverage of choice, people will have one of three reactions:
- They won’t actually read the caption and assume it’s Sprite.
- They’ll read the caption, but not knowing that it’s a GTA reference will simply think you’re unaware that your water bottle has slang for semen written on it.
- They’ll read the caption while understanding the reference.
Chop Leash and Collar (€15.40) – Just in case wearing a Rockstar branded shirt yourself wasn’t enough, now you can walk your dog with a Rockstar branded leash and collar! We were genuinely surprised to find this item in the warehouse, but you’ve got to hand it to the guys at the merchandising department for creativity. Plus, that metal chain won’t be easily chewed through. All jokes aside, this is a genuinely neat item.
L.A. Noire Torch Flashlight (€18.90) – What’s better than a retro military-grade flashlight? A retro military-grade flashlight with replaceable red and blue lenses and video-game branding! With long battery life (batteries not included – because when are they ever) and a spare bulb, this flashlight doubles as a self-defense weapon. If you whack someone in the head with that hard enough, I doubt they’ll be respawning anytime soon.
Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas Kubrick Box Set (€30.10) – Yeah, okay, you’re right. This really isn’t even remotely practical… but come on! We all know “Lego: GTA” will never ever happen because Lego will never touch anything that isn’t child-friendly, and this is the next best thing that exists. Plus, who wouldn’t want a mini Big Smoke with them at all times?
Grand Theft Auto V Zippo Lighter (€21.70) – Nevermind the fact that a good two-thirds of the people who use Zippos are massive ponces, you can lead the charge of the “but we’re different” crowd with a neat, refillable and laser-etched GTA 5 lighter. You can probably grab a convincing replica for a fiver at your local market, however those things will probably explode in your hand.
Loneliest Robot 8GB Flash Drive (€19.60) – It’s a robot. It’s also a USB. You stick it into a computer and store files on it. While not groundbreaking, it’s useful. And that robot really needs a friend.
Compared to the merch shops of other developers, the Warehouse has a pretty wide variety of items. Beyond the deals highlighted here, they have a neat selection of apparel and other practical items like beach towels, phone cases and mouse pads alongside key-chains and posters.
Will you be picking anything up from the Rockstar Warehouse while the sale lasts?
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